La Luna Bella
by Eat Me - I'm Yummy
Summary: NM AU. My version of Bella's harsh return to the real world and all that follows. When she stumbles over something surprising, she is left with an epiphany and a new outlook on her future. What will her life look like, when she's no longer living it for someone else? Rated for future chapters.
1. December, 2005

**Disclaimer;** I own nothing, characters belong to Stephenie Meyer and any pop-culture references belong to their respective owners. I only own the plotline and any original characters I may decide to put into the story in the future.

**Authors Note; **Well, here it is, my new story. I hope you'll enjoy it, both those that are familiar with my old work, like **Two Steps Back**, and those that are new to me and my kind of writing. Remember to leave a review at the end, I live for them; they always put a smile on my face xD

Amber.

* * *

- December, 2005 -

* * *

**December 28****th****, 2005  
Forks, Washington**

* * *

The recently beautiful tree stood in the middle of the small room, needles dropping slowly to the ground, one by one. He leaned against the doorjamb, arms crossed, staring at the slightly pathetic sight.

It reminded him painfully of his daughter's current state.

Scratching a hand across his chin, he narrowed his eyes and pushed away from the doorway. Turning away from the depressing sight, he walked heavily up the stairs and entered the room to the left without knocking first.

There was no need.

"Bells," he said, despite knowing he would get no response. She didn't even seem to realize that he was there. But from experience the past few months, he knew she was more aware than she appeared. "I want you to come down and help me with the tree. Now."

Knowing better than to wait for a reply, he simply turned and walked back down into the living room, passed through and made it to the garage. He got a hold of the empty boxes and carried them back into the house, not showing his surprise at seeing Bella standing in his previous spot.

A stranger would have said that she was looking at the tree, but he knew the truth; her eyes weren't seeing anything.

"Good, you're here. Help me get the stuff off and packed away for next year," he spoke, handing her one of the empty boxes.

In utter silence the two spent the next hour clearing the tree of any and all decorations. Charlie didn't let himself get emotional or nostalgic when his hands closed around the home-made things that his daughter had created as a child.

It would only make her current mood more devastating.

When the last box was locked up in the garage, Bella turned without looking once at her father and made her way to the stairs. Soon after, he heard the soft click of her door closing and he sighed, rubbing a hand over his chest and blinking away the tears.

It was so easy to let himself feel it all, when he was alone. And despite Bella's presence in the house, make no mistake that he was all alone.

Had been for three months now.

He blew out another breath and walked slowly into the kitchen; he didn't know how much longer he could take this. It was breaking his heart, piece by piece.

Leaning against the fridge, he picked up the phone and dialed the familiar number. Looking around the spotless room while he waited for the other end to pick up, he wondered how a zombie could be so clean and orderly.

And Bella _was_ a zombie, no doubt there.

He heard the soft voice answer across the line and turned back to the fridge. "Renee, hi. I'm sorry about calling so early, but I didn't know what else to do."

"Bella," she whispered, her heart in her throat. "Nothing's changed?"

They had been hoping that the holiday their daughter once loved so would bring her back out, if only just a little. They were disappointed.

"I'm afraid not. I got her to help me with the tree just now, but she didn't speak a word and went right back to her room after. I'm really at a loss here, Renee. How am I supposed to help her?"

"I wish I had the answer, Charlie. Phil and I have been discussing it a lot lately and neither of us are any closer to a solution than you are. Have you spoken to Dr. Gerandy recently?"

He cracked his back and thumped the back of his head against the fridge door. "Last week, but all he said was that the heavy catatonia from September is still gone, thank God. Physically, there's nothing wrong with her; she's as healthy as a horse. He gave me the number of a shrink, but..."

Renee sighed, recognizing his pause. "But if she isn't even talking, how is that supposed to help?" She finished for him.

"Yeah," he replied, running a hand through his curls.

They had often had conversations like these; they had spoken more in the last three months, than in sixteen years, combined. It was astounding, but Charlie realized how much it helped. He was able to more easily accept that his ex-wife had moved on and found a good man and, in turn, he felt like he'd soon be ready to do the same, as well.

But not until his daughter was back; she was his main worry at the moment.

Perhaps he could try and talk to her tonight; she was always at her closest to sanity when she had just woken from a terrible nightmare.

As much as he hated the way she cried out _his_ name, he would take it if it was all that he could get. And until then, he would just do his best not to break down and show her how much this hurt him.

Even if that was next to impossible.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

_She walked across the parking lot, headed towards the office. The wind blew her hair all around and sent a chill down through her bones. She pushed the backpack up higher on her shoulder and tried not to frown too deeply._

_She had promised herself to try._

_Pushing open the office door, she stepped inside and immediately wished she hadn't. Before she could act a coward and walk back out, however, the curiosity in her won out over her fear._

_He was standing at the desk a few feet away, bent over and talking to Mrs. Cope in low tones. So caught up in his conversation, he didn't appear to notice her standing there. She forced her body up against the back wall, trying to get as far away from this enigma of a boy as possible._

_Waiting for him to leave so she could breathe again._

_But it was there, in the almost biting silence, that she finally realized what the two other people were talking about; he was trying to get out of the one class they shared together._

_His velvet voice was low and persuasive, as he almost whispered into the woman's ear, like a lover would. Trying to charm her to do as he wanted, she surmised. But Bella was listening no longer; captured in the shock of the moment. Why was he trying so desperately to get away from her?_

_What had she done to warrant such disdain and anger?_

_Her eyes began to sting and she ground down her teeth, refusing to let anyone see her tears. Not now. Her hands clenched at her sides as she fought the sudden urge to strike out at him, with both her words and her fists. What was it about this boy that brought out her rare violent side?_

_As she thought and listened, the door beside her opened and a gust of wind flew into the room, rustling the paperwork on Mrs. Cope's desk and swirling her hair around her face. Just as quickly as it began, it ended, as the young student quickly left again, before the door had even shut behind her._

_It was such a normal event that she would never have noted it in her mind, if not for the response that it garnered._

_She watched, frozen against the wall, as his back stiffened and he slowly turned his body around. She realized that the glare of utter hatred was in his eyes before he even saw her, as if he'd already known she would be there. And still she couldn't help but notice how devastatingly handsome he was._

_Stupid girl._

_The hairs on her arms stood to attention, as she felt her entire being filled with fear unlike anything she had ever felt before. The moment could've lasted forever or a second, for all she noticed, before he finally turned back to Mrs. Cope and she could begin breathing again._

"_Never mind, then," he spoke, rushed out and almost too fast for either female to capture. "I can see that it's impossible. Thank you so much for your help."_

_Turning on his heel, and without looking at her again, he quickly disappeared from sight; she didn't even hear the door close behind her._

_She stared at the older woman before her, eyes wide and shining with unshed tears. No longer able to hold back her emotional response, she just wanted to get this over with so she could go to her car, drive home and lock herself in her room._

_Where she would finally let herself cry._

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

Charlie found himself standing in the hallway at three in the morning, waiting for what he knew was coming. It was certainly better than being woken from a sound sleep, by the pained screams and cries of his only daughter.

This way he would be prepared to help her the instant she woke.

This time he was leaning against the door to his own bedroom, legs crossed at the ankles and hands moving nervously back and forth between his hair and face. He didn't know what to do with himself, to be honest, and it was a bit unnerving to the usually assured police officer.

But things were always different when a child was involved.

Regardless of the fact that Bella had been eighteen for three months she would always be his little girl, whether she liked it or not. Whether she accepted it or not.

His thoughts were interrupted by the shrill scream he was waiting for; he rushed into the room and gathered her up in his arms, as she slowly came fully awake and realized where she was.

And just as every night since _he_ left, there was light and understanding in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, daddy," she whispered, bowing her head and letting her tears soak into her father's night shirt.

"Shh, honey, don't apologize. Just tell me you will continue to try and get better," he pleaded with her.

She slowly began to shake her head, trying to clear her mind of the images of her dream. No, not dream... _memory_. Her throat closed and she found it hard to breathe for a few precious seconds, before Charlie's words punched through the fog.

"I _am_ trying, but it's so hard. So painful."

Charlie nodded, understanding completely. "Will it help if I send you to a therapist, Bells? Dr. Gerandy gave me the name of a woman who's supposed to be really great, especially with teenagers."

Bella wiped the flow of tears away from her cheeks, though more continued to fall. "I doubt it, dad. Not until I'm ready to talk about it, or talk at all," she said, referring to the state she was in during the day.

He reluctantly and silently agreed; words he had been afraid to use with Renee earlier. "I have to admit that I was expecting no less. So long as you promise to continue trying, I promise to keep having patience with you. But you know this hurts me, too, don't you, Bells?"

She whimpered and squeezed his back. "I know, daddy, and I hate it, but it's not enough. Yet."

He smiled, but there was no joy in it, and ran a hand shakily down her long hair. She smelled of sunshine and freesias and he bit down on his lip to keep the sobs away. "I'll be here for you when you're ready, okay?"

But he knew he had lost her, as a white sheen ran across her eyes and her body began to slack. She fell down onto the bed, still awake, and staring into nothing at all.

She was gone. Again. But tomorrow night she would be back. And he would speak to her for a few precious moments. Again.

It was all he could do right now. That and one other thing.

Wait.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

**December 30****th****, 2005  
First Beach, La Push**

* * *

Lauren pushed at Tyler's chest, glaring at him when he only laughed in response. She hated when he got this way, became too confident and no longer treated her like the princess she was. She huffed, crossed her arms over her chest and turned away, signaling to her girlfriends to follow.

As always, they did as instructed.

Jessica sent a longing look toward Mike, before leaving with her friends, but he didn't even notice. He was too busy watching the parking lot up ahead, where a familiar police cruiser just parked.

An ever-quiet Bella stepped solemnly out of the car and Charlie sighed, as he did often these days, speaking to her even though he knew she wasn't hearing him.

"Why don't you go find your friends, Bells? I'll be right over there with Billy, Harry and the others," he said, pointing to the spot out of pure habit.

She never even turned toward him, but she still complied, whether due to auto pilot or because she was planning it anyway he didn't know. He waited until she was standing with Angela Weber and Ben Cheney, before twisting around and making his way to his own friends.

"Hi, Bella, I didn't know you were coming," Angela smiled at her friend, though like the Chief, she knew it was useless.

But also like Charlie, she would never give up.

Bella seemed to be shrugging her shoulders, though Angela could just have been imagining it. "Why don't you come join me and Ben? We were gonna go sit on some fold-out chairs that Mr. Mallory brought. They've got a cooler of soft drinks and some sandwiches, too."

Bella's lips pursed and she never looked her friend in the eyes, but she sat down obediently and took the offered soda. Angela kept talking. "Did you have a nice Christmas? The twins got me these beautiful earrings," she said, sticking out her head so Bella could see. "And Ben made me a photo album of all of us through the past year. What did you get?"

Angela glanced with worry at her boyfriend and he lay a hand over hers. "Maybe Ang can bring the album when school starts? There are some great pictures of everyone," Ben said, trying to be helpful.

But they both knew it was useless.

Having done what they set out to do; try, they lapsed into silence and just enjoyed the quiet company and the bonfires scattered all around the large beach.

Everyone was camped out in what a teenager would call cliques; the Native Americans who owned this land kept mostly to themselves, paired up in parents and kids across from the pale faces, who were distinguished in the same way.

It seemed both towns were here; Forks and La Push. Angela had never seen First Beach so full before and it warmed her heart. The only thing that would make this evening perfect, would be to have her friend back the way she was.

Before Edward Cullen ruined her.

Almost as if she sensed that someone was thinking the forbidden name, Bella rose from her creaky chair and walked down to the shore. She was feeling suffocated, having gotten used to the solitude ever since Christmas break began and she no longer had to go to school.

But even then, she sat alone in the cafeteria, at _their_ old table.

Refusing to turn and look at the crowd behind her, she wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying to keep the hole from falling too much apart, and stared out into the deep, murky waters beyond. Wishing she could be like the sea; eternal, beautiful and adored by all who came to see.

She had had that future in the palm of her hand once; or perhaps she had only fooled herself. _He'd_ always been so insistent she stay as she was; human and fragile. Maybe she had never had a chance.

Only one person would know and she was gone, too, along with her brother.

_Gone, gone, all gone and she was stuck down the rabbit hole, never to escape._

The cheerful laughter and toasts to a new year rang out all around her, but she wasn't paying attention. All she could see in front of her was a pair of topaz eyes and a crooked smile.

It was all she ever saw.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

_She ran through the woods as fast as her legs could carry her, hair blowing all around her and trees blurring with her speed. Her ankles stung from the wounds made by branches on the ground and her eyes stung from the wind that burned her face._

_But still she didn't give up._

_She had to find him; had to tell him that she loved him, make him come back to her, even if just for a second._

_Any less than that and she'd never be whole again._

_The trees bowed inwards above her, as if trying to keep her locked up in their menacing embrace. She wanted to cry out in outrage and defiance, but she had been silent for so long, she could no longer find the voice to speak with._

_It was as gone as her humanity now._

_And then she heard a familiar sound calling out to her from the darkness of the forest._

"_Bella," the voice teased, high and melodic in its purity._

"_Alice," she gasped and stopped running, looking all around her for the girl she had so missed. "Alice, where are you?"_

"_Belly," Emmett's deep, baritone voice sounded to her right, but when she turned he wasn't there._

_Tears began to fall unbidden down her pale cheeks. "Please, I can't find you. Come to me, please."_

_More voices rang out in the darkness and she recognized each one of them; they all spoke in different tones, ranging from the sweetness of Esme to the harsh dislike of Rosalie._

_They were all calling for her._

_Except for _him_._

_She waited and waited, sifting through the voices for any sign of a familiar velvet one, but it never came. The voices grew louder, a cacophony of booming sounds that overtook her and forced her to her knees._

_She crouched on the wet ground, fingers digging into her skull to ward off the oncoming headache threatening to tear her apart. Why were they doing this to her?_

"_Why?" she whimpered, bottom lip shaking and eyes stinging with tears. "Why won't you show yourselves?"_

_She felt it then; a whisper of something familiar coming from another part of the dark forest. She knew what it was, who it was from, but still she heard no voice calling out her name._

_He was hiding from her._

_She rose from the damp earth and clenched her fists, tightening her resolve; she would find him, if it took forever._

_And like that, she began to run again, heading towards that feeling she was having... each time she felt as if she was closing in, it would jump away from her again, switch to her left or above her._

_She cried out her outrage and grief; why wouldn't he let her catch him?_

"_Edward!"_

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

Once again, Charlie was there waiting with open arms when she came awake screaming, torn apart by the images of her nightmare. He wrapped her up in a warm, familiar embrace and she let her tears soak his nightshirt.

She blinked again and again, against his chest, trying to make sense of the confusing and heart-wrenching events of her dream; it was a different version of the same. Always searching, always failing.

It felt like the story of her life, these days.

Charlie ran a hand over her hair, whispering soothing words into her ear, and for once she actually heard him. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling so angry and disappointed with herself; how could she do this to the one person who cared so much? How could she force him to watch as she continuously fell apart?

Only made worse by her slight moments of lucidity at times like these.

She was a cruel person and did not deserve the love, support and patience of a man like Charlie Swan.

Father or not.

Perhaps sensing his daughter's downward spiral, he forced her back, holding her by her arms. Taking one long look at her, he shook his head and tightened his eyes; he would not let her do this to herself.

"I may not know the details of what happened, all those months ago, but I _do_ know that it was **not** your fault, Bells. Stop blaming yourself, please. It will only do more harm than good, trust me, honey." He pleaded with her, hoping this would be that rare time when she would actually listen.

He was wrong.

Simply offering her father a weak smile, she slipped back into the safety of his arms and tried to pretend that things weren't as they had been for so long now. Tried to pretend that the reasons she had for needing Charlie's strong hold on her, was something small and almost unimportant.

But with the truth glaring her in the face this was a difficult notion to convince herself of.

And her father wasn't making it any easier.

"This was a bad one, wasn't it, Bells? It felt different... _sounded_ different. It's getting worse," he finished, not with a question, but a sad statement.

They both knew the reality.

She sobbed at the pain in his voice. "Yes, daddy. I wish it wasn't true but I don't know how to stop it. It hits me out of nowhere, crawls inside and it won't let go. Why can't I make it go away?"

"You can, sweetie, you can. You're the _only_ one who can. Just be strong, be the girl that I know you are. Push it away, come back to me." He begged, fingers almost digging into her flesh as he pressed his nose into her hair.

Willing away the tears, he waited for her response. When time passed and none came, he carefully untangled himself from her embrace and looked at her. His teeth bit down so roughly on his bottom lip that he drew blood, when he saw her face.

She had disappeared inside herself once more; he didn't even know if she had heard his soft-spoken words of wishing.

But he would repeat them every night, until they punched through the fog that was his daughter, of that there was no doubt. He loved her too much to ever give up, give in they way she had seemingly done. Given in to the pain and grief of it all.

And once again he found himself cursing the day Edward Cullen came into his daughter's life.

Even if it meant cursing the day Bella moved to town, to him. He would rather have her miles away and still an enigma, than know her better and have her as she was now.

Rather the wish than the reality, in a million years.

But he was never that lucky.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

**December 31****st****, 2005  
Forks, Washington**

* * *

The sky was aglow with wondrous colors and shapes as the entire country celebrated this turn of the clock; New Years Eve.

But there was one household that stayed dark; empty and barren of all laughter and joy.

Bella sat completely still by the windowsill, staring out into the lightened up sky of her small hometown. Everything seemed so much bigger when fireworks were involved.

Her head was resting on a clenched fist and every now and then her brown eyes would be lit up by the vibrant colors of the outside world; but that was the only life that was in them, at any moment.

Charlie found himself often tearing his eyes away from the game on the screen, to stare at the back of his daughter; she didn't move once in the two hours it had now been since she came downstairs.

He didn't even know why she had felt compelled to come spend the night with him; he had expected her to stay in her room through the entire evening. But here she was, quiet and still as always, dark, empty eyes staring into nothing at all, only a whisper of breath escaping her now and then.

Charlie sighed; if only things would change. That was his New Years resolution; to see even a glimmer of the old Bella.

Just a tiny spark, that was all he asked of.

But maybe it was too much.

He had no idea that he would have his wish granted on this very night; though certainly not in the way he had ever imagined it.

Suddenly, Bella moved, and it shocked him enough that he spilled some of the beer from the can in his hand. Calming his racing heart, he appeared completely normal when she finally turned around, glancing at him for a split second before turning for the hallway.

He knew she was heading back up to her room.

"Happy New Year, Bells," he whispered, once she was gone, not ready to deal with the pain of seeing her unresponsive attitude to his caring words.

Up the stairs and to the left, in a small room not cluttered as you might expect from a teenage girl, Bella sat at her desk, computer on and whining in ancient complaint.

If she was going to stay awake past midnight, she might as well get some homework done, right?

Even if school didn't start up again for another week.

Tapping away at the keys, eyes on the screen and teeth gnawing on her bottom lip, she worked and worked, not once sensing the movement of time. Hollers and cries from outside didn't touch her, nor did the blast of fireworks or sirens coming through the night.

Only when a soft knock came on her door did she sense that there was someone else in the world besides herself.

"Time for bed, Bells," her father spoke, soon disappearing again.

As always, not waiting for a response.

She couldn't blame him.

Rising from her seat, she stretched her arms above her head until she heard a distinct crack going up her spine; she'd been sitting down for far too long in the same position. She walked across the room, blinking through milky eyes and wasn't watching her feet.

And then she was on the ground.

The crash had been both loud and silent in her ears, though the blood flowing quickly through her brain told her that it had been a bit more severe than she was used to; though not enough to warrant a midnight visit to the emergency room.

She stayed sitting on the floor, rubbing her aching head and trying to stem the flow of tears from the pain. It was rare for her to feel any emotion lately, even physical pain, so it had taken her a bit by surprise.

But not as much as what happened next would.

Bella tilted her head inquisitively, staring at the floor before her, wondering what was wrong with the image. Turning this and that way, even twisting her legs around to get a better look, it took her a while, but she finally managed to grasp the difference.

The floorboards were uneven.

Furrowing her brows, she crawled forward and stuck her cracked nails as far underneath one board as she could get them and then she pulled upwards. Groaning against her attempt, it took a few tries before she finally got it loose and pushed away from the rest of the floor.

The first thing to catch her attention was the tiny spider that crawled forth from the darkness and skittered across her cold room. She didn't even flinch, just stared oddly at the tiny specimen and returned her vision to the black void that was the floor beneath her room.

Not caring what she may find, she stuck a hand inside and felt around for a while. Coming across something hard and solid, she stuck out the tip of her tongue as she maneuvered the object around a bit, trying to get it unstuck.

When it finally lay before her, it was not was she was expecting.

Covered in a see-through plastic bag, it appeared familiar and yet she couldn't place it. Curious, if only slightly in her haze, she slowly and carefully began to unwrap the items inside and placed them on the floor beside her. When the wrapping was off and thrown to the side, she finally took a look at the contents.

And like a light switch, Bella was back.

And she was pissed.

* * *

**Authors Note;** And there we are. It's probably not the best it could be, but I am currently looking for a Beta; if anyone reading this knows of someone or is someone with experience, good grammar and spelling, great at catching switches in tenses and excellent with plot development and character voices, PM me. Please, I'm pretty desperate! xD

Amber.


	2. January, 2006

**Authors Note;** And here we have the second chapter, quicker than I thought. I just went on a three-week vacation yesterday and that hopefully means that updates will be faster in that time. I hope you'll like it, even if I haven't gotten a single review yet :(

Amber

* * *

- January, 2006 -

* * *

**January 1****st****, 2006  
Forks, Washington**

* * *

A white envelope holding two plane tickets to Florida. Two completely different photographs, with the same subject in focus. It was amazing how such simple items could hold so much power over one person.

Feeling the scream bubbling up in her throat, Bella refused to let it find purchase; she would no longer let herself be controlled by her emotions.

Look where that had gotten her; catatonic, lonely and the shell of a woman.

Enough.

She stared at the floor and the evidence of Edward's lie; saying his name no longer hurt, it just made her anger grow.

She knew the truth now; the truth behind his words three months ago, as they stood facing each other in her father's backyard. He had found the words he knew she'd most likely believe and spat them back in her face.

"_You're not good for me."_

Life sure was cruel; he knew what that would do to her, how selfless she was when it came to him. How she would give anything to make sure he was happy, even if it meant the two of them being apart, forever.

And he had used that to his advantage.

Bella wasn't a fool by any means, she knew why he had done it. To him, it probably seemed noble; a grand gesture from a selfless being. But she saw right through it; he was taking the easy way out.

Instead of sticking around and working on their issues, talking to her about it even, he had chosen the easy route; abandonment.

Or what was easy for _him_, at least.

With no thought to how she would be affected.

Did he not know how deeply her love for him ran? Had she still not been able to convince him, even after five glorious and intense months? After peeking into Alice's head and seeing their future?

Or was that it? Had he seen their future and decided that he wanted better for her? Had he seen her as him, a vampire, and single-handedly made the choice that she should be human? Without consulting it with her first?

It certainly sounded like him.

She growled into the silence of the room and rose slowly onto her haunches, not realizing the irony of her stance. Her hands almost curled into claws, as she allowed the anger, betrayal and seething hatred to seep deeply into her being, creating someone new from pure scratch.

Her eyes narrowed and singled in only on the items lying on the floor; something had to be done about that.

And so it would.

With frantic moves and heavy breaths, she picked up the thin envelope and quickly ripped it up into as many pieces as she could get away with, before the paper slipped through her fingers. And then she moved on to the photos, repeating the moves.

Her anger still not sated, not even close, she ran for her closet and began digging around inside. She soon came back out, victorious. Throwing all the pieces of hated items onto the bed, along with the blue shirt she had worn in Port Angeles, she grabbed a pair of scissors and went to work.

Anything given to her by Alice.

Anything bought on a shopping trip with Alice.

The clothes borrowed from Esme when they were running from the nomads.

Anything even remotely the color blue.

All was destroyed, all was left scattered around her room, and still she did not feel satisfied.

And then she remembered why.

With heavy footsteps she banged her way downstairs, through the hallway and out the front door, after spending a few seconds battling the lock. She threw open the door to her truck, pushed forward with the screwdriver she had picked up on her way out, and attacked the present from three months ago.

The new car stereo.

Before she knew it, it lay in pieces before her and she stood over it, a manic smile on her face. Her left eye twitched but she didn't notice it, as she carried the remains back into the house and up the stairs. As she lay it down to join with its ruined brothers and sisters, she realized something.

She still wasn't completely happy with everything; something was missing.

Words rang through her head like bells on a clock tower; loud and obtrusive and unable to ignore. She squeezed her eyes shut and cried out in pain and outrage, wanting it to end.

When she could finally tell the voices apart, she realized what had been missing. She heard Edward in her mind, speaking beautiful words that she would never again hear; words that he had taken from her, in a misguided attempt to keep her safe.

And she knew what she had to do; the last thing on her list.

Grabbing the scissors from their place on the bed, she ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. Letting out yet another agonized holler, she stared into bloodshot eyes through the mirror and lifted up the instrument of destruction.

Charlie finally wobbled out of his bedroom, woken by the shrill and unfamiliar sounds of his daughter; her nightmares had never been like this before.

He wasn't prepared for what he found when he pushed open the bathroom door.

Long locks of chocolate brown hair fell to the ground as Bella cut her way through the one thing that Edward had always commented positively on. The one thing she could still control, the one choice he had managed to leave her with; her appearance.

She wasn't insane, though others might disagree; she had no intention of turning into some goth-chick, emo-bitch or any other severe change from who she was.

But the hair had to go.

When Charlie finally found his voice, the tips of his daughter's hair no longer touched her back as they used to; instead, they lay chopped and cropped haphazardly around her thin shoulders.

"Jesus, Bells, what the hell are you doing?"

When she turned to her father, he saw it in her eyes, long before she spoke. "He will not control my life; not anymore!" She cried out, before collapsing into sobs.

Thankfully Charlie was there to catch her before she hit the cold, hard tiles of the floor.

Running fingers over her now much shorter hair, he shook his head and bit back an oncoming stream of tears; he had to be strong for his little girl, she needed him. Especially now that she was back.

_She was finally back._

Time went by unnoticed to either person on the floor, wrapped as they were in each others arms. Neither felt the stiffness set into their muscles, the soreness in their necks or the dryness in their throats; all they felt was a mixture of relief and anger, pouring out of them in wet tears.

And then Charlie's curiosity got the better of him.

"What happened, sweetheart?" he asked, keeping her tightly to him.

Fearing she would slip back into her hazy state at any moment and not wanting to watch her when or if it happened.

He heard her sniffle a little before she spoke. "I found something... I thought Edward had taken all reminders of him and his family with him when they left, but I was wrong. I saw it; the presents and pictures and I just lost it. I think I'm still a little lost."

Charlie didn't show or voice his confusion at her words, afraid that the smallest trigger would make her relapse, but instead rocked her back and forth in his embrace, trying to comfort her with something other than speech. It seemed to be working.

"Honestly, Bells, I'm not sure I care how it happened as long as it sticks. I can't even gather up the energy to care about what you just did with those scissors." When she leaned back to look at him, he raised a brow.

And once again, she lost it.

Neither understood where the belly-aching laughter came from, or knew if the tears now streaming down her cheeks was from said laughter or still the pain deep inside of her, but both were just as sure that they didn't care.

It wasn't long before Charlie joined her and soon they were practically rolling around on the tiled floor, laughing as they hadn't in a very long time.

Bella would later ponder the events of this early January morning, but she would never be able to come to a satisfactory solution; she wouldn't care much, either. All she would know, when looking back, was that this was the turning point.

For her sanity. For her future. For her very self.

For everything that would follow in the wake of her loss, and thus, as she would soon learn, her gain.

And what a gain it would turn out to be.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

**January 3****rd****, 2006  
Forks, Washington**

From the moment Dr. Samuel put her into his arms, Charles Geoffrey Swan had realized that he had never known true love; not like this. After shedding a solitary tear for his parents and finally admitting to the pain they must have gone through when he was a kid, he peered down into bright, blue eyes.

His Isabella. His Princess.

His wish come true.

He had spent his whole life searching for the meaning of life and being told that no one ever found it; but they were wrong. His own personal meaning lie in tiny fingers, chubby knees and hair like chocolate.

Convinced he'd found it when he met Renee Higgonbotham, he had hurried to marry her before she realized that she could do better than him. Blissful happiness followed in the months after their honeymoon and he thought he'd never be happier.

And then she'd shown him the results from the doctor; he was going to be a father.

Nothing had ever been able to prepare him for the beauty that was his Isabella. The first time she smiled at him, as she lay cuddled and swaddled in his arms. The first time a giggle escaped those rosy red lips. The first time she came to him, a wounded knee only a father's kiss could cure.

Even when his Princess moved five states away, his love for her never wavered, never fell. If anything, it grew only stronger, more powerful in her absence.

_It does make the heart grow fonder, after all._

With each passing moment, he found himself breathing easier because she was a part of his world. Living alone, going to work, fishing trips with his friends, those were not the reasons he continued to live on this earth; she was.

When the call had come from Arizona, his little girl was coming to live with him, he'd been unable to truly contain his joy. He may not show it as others did, but show it he did nonetheless.

He cried himself to sleep that night with tears of happiness.

He never imagined that anything could break that joy; could take from him the purity of the sight that having Bella under his roof did to him.

And then Edward Cullen happened.

As the father and daughter lay intertwined on the small, ratty couch of the living room, each of them were unknowingly thinking of the same boy. Only, Bella knew he was so much more than that.

Knew his real age, for one thing.

But they were each agreeing on one thing; he was the reason for all the pain of the past three months.

Bella knew it was because of his need to do right by the one he loved; as ridiculous as that sounded to her, considering that doing right by her would've been to stay by her side, through thick and thicker, no matter what.

For Charlie, Edward was a bastard so unlike his kind parents and trouble-free siblings, even that big one, that it didn't make sense for him to belong to that family. As a police officer, Charlie had tried to live his life full of forgiveness and until recently, he had.

Edward Cullen was the first person he knew in his heart he would never forgive.

The image of a zombie-fied Bella imprinted into his mind made that impossible.

They both lay there, thinking separate yet similar thoughts, as the light passed outside and the world went unnoticed to the two inhabitants. Wrapped up in their shared ball of emotions as they were, it was only late that same night that something finally managed to punch through the foggy stillness and quiet.

The phone rang.

Bella spent the next two hours trying to convince her mother that she was, indeed, back; from the dead, for all intents and purposes. Renee swore to fly down as soon as she was able and they hung up with a message of love for each man waiting on the other side.

Bella noticed the lack of familiar light in his eyes when she relayed the message to her father; she was glad to see that he was finally moving on from her mother.

It was about time.

Still not prepared to destroy the comfortable silence with inane chatter, they spent the next hour working quietly in the kitchen, as Charlie helped his daughter cook dinner for the first time in... ever.

It was nice; calming.

Only when they were finished eating and seated across from each other, did one of them break the silence.

"What do you say to taking a trip to the city tomorrow?" Charlie asked, trying to be casual. But his constant, obvious glances at her hair told a different story.

Bella rolled her eyes, a small smile on her face. "Sure, dad, that sounds great. We can get some lunch, maybe check out some book stores. Lord knows it's been a while since I've done that."

She wasn't going to make this easy for him.

Charlie squirmed in his chair. "Yeah, that would be good." Tired of the pretense he huffed and slumped in his seat. "And we could get you to a salon, too." He looked up at her, carefully.

But she just continued to smile. As she rose, gathering both plates, she answered. "That would work. I could look up prices online tonight, before bed."

The low sound of a satisfied huff was all the reply she got, before she heard his chair push out, squeaking all the way. Expecting him to turn and head for the living room, where there was surely some kind of competitive game on, she was surprised to find him by her side, helping her with the dishes.

Still not willing to fully trust that this change was a permanent one, Charlie wanted as much time with his daughter as possible, in case of a future relapse. Until the day she had children herself, he knew Bella would never truly understand it.

But it wouldn't change anything; he was sticking close by her until some more time had passed.

Bella was just a little bit okay with that.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

**January 4****th****, 2006  
Forks, Washington**

Bella twisted and turned under the covers, completely unaware of her father's presence as he sat in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. She mumbled in her sleep, but Charlie couldn't quite hear what she was saying.

He wondered what she was dreaming.

"_I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."_

Rubbing a hand over his tired face, he strengthened his resolve; he wasn't going to go to sleep on this night. After the emotional last few days and the return of his strong, sweet child, he refused to let himself be apart from her.

He had to make sure that she was okay.

"_You are the most important thing to me. The most important thing to me ever."_

She whimpered in her sleep and a tiny tear squeezed past her eye, slipping slowly down her pale cheek. He sighed; he knew what she was dreaming of.

At least, he had an idea.

"_Isn't it supposed to be like this? The glory of first love and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"_

His hands clenched on the arms of the chair and his feet stilled the rocking movement; he wanted to strangle someone particular at this moment. Really, at most moments.

His daughter lay terrified and hurting in her bed, body twisted up in the sheets and forehead slathered in sweat despite the cool night.

All because of one boy.

"_You are my life now."_

"Liar!" she cried out, as she flew up in her bed and blinked herself awake.

"Bells?" Charlie said carefully, pushing slightly forward in his seat. "You up or still sleeping?"

She snorted, though not with as much humor as she would've liked. She was still reeling. "Yeah, dad," she replied, wiping her hair away from her face. "I'm up. What are you doing in here? Is it morning already?"

In Forks it was hard to tell, since it wouldn't be light out until just before noon.

Charlie sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Nah, it's still night. I... I couldn't sleep," he said, as if admitting to some horrible crime.

His face slowly reddened and Bella understood his awkwardness.

It was her turn to sigh. "Nothing's gonna happen to me, dad. I'm just sleeping and so should you. Honestly, if you're gonna be driving us to Seattle in a few hours, I'd feel more comfortable if you were actually rested." She raised a brow at him.

He chuckled. "Guess I didn't think of that. Don't know that I could really sleep right now, but I'll try."

Bella nodded. "Whether you sleep or not, the rest will do you good. Now go to bed, I'll see you in the morning... or, later today, I guess," she smiled and waited to lay back down until she heard his own bedroom door close.

Only then did she let herself feel the effects of the dream; it had been a doozy.

Throwing her body back into the soft madras, she closed her eyes and saw the images in her minds eye. Saw all the times in the past when he had shown how much he loved her.

And yet it hadn't been enough.

_She_ hadn't been enough.

Talk about a slap in the face.

Lying as she was, thinking of her time in Forks, she couldn't help but continue to remember the better times. The first part of the baseball game. Their afternoon in the meadow. The first day they spent together after she returned from the hospital in Phoenix.

The glorious summer that followed.

She had thought that nothing could come along to destroy her perfect happiness; she'd been oh so wrong.

But even if she _had_ considered what might happen, never in a million years would she have expected Edward to be the one to ruin things. Outsiders, sure. Family, perhaps. But not _him_.

It broke her heart just a little bit more than it already was.

She thought of all the sweet words he had whispered in her ear and realized that it meant nothing. What were words worth if actions spoke louder?

He could say he loved her all he wanted, but abandoning her said more than he ever could.

Whether it had been easy for him or not, it was still... unforgivable?

Was it, though?

Bella tilted her head in thought, wondering what she would do or say if Edward appeared at her window right now, apologetic and beautiful as ever.

What road would she take?

She had to admit that she didn't know. There was a time when she would be sure of her action; she would throw her arms around him and welcome him back with careful kisses and warm words. But that time has passed, along with the haze he had left in his wake.

But would she turn him away, instead? She wasn't so sure of that one either.

Despite recent events and emotions, she didn't hate him. Hate what he did, sure. Hate how he handled things, definitely. But hate him? She wasn't sure that was possible anymore.

She wasn't sure it ever had been, not even when he was still fighting the urge to kill her.

So how would she react?

Her head turned towards the always open window at her thoughts, as if she expected him to actually appear. Shaking her head at her own naive wish, she groaned and threw off the covers.

If he _did_ come back, she needed to get a message to him. He needed to understand that things would not be easy between them, as they once had been. He had to know that her forgiveness would not come quick or easy.

So, for the first time in more than six months, she closed the window.

And locked it.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

She smiled as she walked into the store, smelling all of the familiar and adored scents that surrounded her. She loved book stores; always had.

Ignoring the rolling eyes of her father, she hurried over to one end of the store, before slowing down as she perused the shelves, book by book.

They had arrived in Seattle forty minutes ago and this was their second stop; they had gotten breakfast at a small diner just at the city limits, first.

On the long drive down they'd had plenty to talk about, from Charlie's work to Bella's thoughts on how her future would go, now that the haze was gone.

Conversation had once been such an awkward, stilted thing with them that they were still getting used to the ease with which they spoke now.

It was a confusing, wondrous thing.

Charlie had been more than happy to let Bella pick their first store, just so he could see her face light up with that beautiful smile. Especially once she'd promised him all the time he wanted in a local fishing shop just a few blocks away from the book store.

Their appointment at the salon wasn't until after lunch so they had more time than they knew what to do with, to be honest.

But it seemed that just being together was enough for the both of them and neither would let the oddity of that touch them. Not now.

Things were too close to perfect for either of them to dare mess with.

As it were, the passage of time flew by without being noticed and soon they were sitting down for brunch at a small cafe in the city. Bella had a bag containing three new books, while Charlie had gotten some new gear and feed for his weekend fishing trips.

Their time spent at each of their favorite kind of shops had eaten up all the time they had and they hadn't managed to stop by any other stores; which they were both just fine with.

As they sat at an outdoor table, sipping on soft drinks and eating their food, they filled the time with conversation and small smiles.

And neither one noticed the slight glimmer coming from across the street, in a dark alley.

Or the lock of blood-red hair.

**-*- La Luna Bella -*-**

**Graham Salon, Seattle**

Bella sat quietly in the chair, watching through the mirror as the hairdresser, Melody, tried to fix what she could. She had been very positive, though had informed the younger girl that her hair would be getting a lot shorter than she had already cut it.

But she was okay with that; Bella had never been one to focus on appearance.

The only reason her hair had even gotten so long to begin with, was because she didn't care enough to actually have it styled. She just let it grow, never coloring it, and only going to the salon to spare herself the unavoidable split ends.

But still she bit down on her lip as she watched the girl go to work with a pair of scissors; thankfully with a lot more precision than she had worked them, a few days earlier.

Charlie sat a few feet away, a magazine in his lap that he was pretending to read. Bella may have realized this if she had glanced over and seen that the title of the magazine was the same one Jessica had a prescription to. He worried, as he had done for three months now, even if it was a different worry.

He found himself unable to look away when he was close enough to see her.

Just making sure she's still okay, he told himself, but he knew it was more than that. As if one glance away from her and she would disappear in a puff of smoke.

As ridiculous as he knew he was being, it didn't mean he would stop.

And if Bella had been aware, she would've been okay with that.

As it were, she was busy pondering Melody's question.

"When I'm done cutting it, would you like some dye?"

Did she?

She'd never colored her hair before, despite Renee's attempts to convince her in the past. Highlights, she had said, wasn't the same as dying. Bella didn't agree.

Despite not caring one way or the other about her hair, there was still something so definite about a new color. About looking in the mirror and seeing something that shouldn't, naturally, be there.

And she liked her hair.

But so did he and that was the problem.

It wasn't about her hair changing colors; it was about becoming someone that had nothing in common with the girl that Edward had claimed to love. Her insides, heart, soul, that would never change. But this, as she had stated before, was the one thing she _could_ control.

When Melody clapped her on the shoulders and met her eyes in the mirror, Bella looked at herself. Her chocolate hair now reached the tops of her shoulders and she had what she had to admit was adorable bangs, covering half her forehead.

Again, Melody spoke. "So, what do you say to the dye? Do you wanna leave it as is, or...?"

Bella stared into familiar brown eyes, looked at familiar pasty skin and almost growled at the sight of familiar chocolate colored hair. She was tired of being familiar.

She wanted to be something else.

Nodding her head, she noted Melody's smile and wondered if hers looked as natural and pretty as that.

"Alright, what color, then?"

Bella was stumped; she hadn't thought of that.

But really, she had only two choices; go with the highlights that her mother had always tried to talk her into, or go in the other direction.

Go extreme.

In the end, though, it wasn't her choice. She wasn't well-versed enough to make it. So, catching Melody's eyes once more in the mirror, she strengthened her resolve and spoke.

"Make me... not me."

* * *

**Authors Note;** And there you have it. So, what color do you think Bella's gonna get? What will Melody do to her?

Amber.


End file.
